THE SPEC WRITER SONG

News Item:  Apple announced Tuesday that the music of The Beatles will now be available from Apple’s on-line iTunes Store.

Yesterday I happened to hear the Beatles’ 1966 recording of “Paperback Writer”.  Now I can’t get the tune out of my head. 

I’ve always liked the song, but I can’t really identify with the aspirations of a paperback writer.

So I think it’s high time someone wrote a song about spec writers.

Proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that I’m better at prose than poetry, here’s my attempt.  My apologies to songwriters and poets everywhere.  (Sing to the tune of the Beatles’  “Paperback Writer”).

I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)

Dear Sir or Madam, will you bid my book?

It took me weeks to write, will you take a look?

It’s based on MasterFormat, so don’t treat me like a doormat.

And I need a bid, cuz I’m a spec writer.

I’m a spec writer.

It’s the sad story of an under funded job.

And an indecisive owner that’s in too big a hurry.

Of addenda thus we’ll have a flurry.

But don’t you worry.

I’m a spec writer.

I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)

It’s a thousand pages, and of volumes two.

I’ll be writing an addendum in a week or two.

I can make it longer, do you want to go to trial.

I can change the font from Courier to Arial.

I’m a spec writer.

I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)

If you like my book you can give me a bid.

I’ll assume that read it thoroughly you did.

You realize it’s LEED.

So don’t underbid, I plead.

I’m a spec writer.

I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)

For architects and engineers I have to be clairvoyant.

To the contractor I’m just an annoyance.

Soon the bids are due.

Only after that you sue.

I’m a spec writer.

            I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)

            This book is all about the Work.

            And written by a team of dorks.

            Just don’t ask me for a change order.

            Cuz I really said it right, sorta.

            I’m a spec writer.

            I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer).

            Don’t dare front-load the job.

            Or extra retainage I’ll lob.

            Meet all requirements at closeout.

            Or the quality of Work I’ll doubt.

            I’m a spec writer.