Friday, November 19, 2010


News Item:  Apple announced Tuesday that the music of The Beatles will now be available from Apple’s on-line iTunes Store.

Yesterday I happened to hear the Beatles’ 1966 recording of “Paperback Writer”.  Now I can’t get the tune out of my head. 

I’ve always liked the song, but I can’t really identify with the aspirations of a paperback writer.

So I think it’s high time someone wrote a song about spec writers.

Proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that I’m better at prose than poetry, here’s my attempt.  My apologies to songwriters and poets everywhere.  (Sing to the tune of the Beatles’  “Paperback Writer”).

I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)
Dear Sir or Madam, will you bid my book?
It took me weeks to write, will you take a look?
It’s based on MasterFormat, so don’t treat me like a doormat.
And I need a bid, cuz I’m a spec writer.
I’m a spec writer.

It’s the sad story of an under funded job.
And an indecisive owner that’s in too big a hurry.
Of addenda thus we’ll have a flurry.
But don’t you worry.
I’m a spec writer.

I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)
It’s a thousand pages, and of volumes two.
I’ll be writing an addendum in a week or two.
I can make it longer, do you want to go to trial.
I can change the font from Courier to Arial.
I’m a spec writer.

I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)
If you like my book you can give me a bid.
I’ll assume that read it thoroughly you did.
You realize it’s LEED.
So don’t underbid, I plead.
I’m a spec writer.

I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)
For architects and engineers I have to be clairvoyant.
To the contractor I’m just an annoyance.
Soon the bids are due.
Only after that you sue.
I’m a spec writer.

            I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer)
            This book is all about the Work.
            And written by a team of dorks.
            Just don’t ask me for a change order.
            Cuz I really said it right, sorta.
            I’m a spec writer.

            I’m a spec writer (I’m a spec writer).
            Don’t dare front-load the job.
            Or extra retainage I’ll lob.
            Meet all requirements at closeout.
            Or the quality of Work I’ll doubt.
            I’m a spec writer.

1 comment:

  1. Here is my Specifier's Lament, sound to the tune of an obscure children's song:

    Nobody likes them,
    Everybody hates them,
    I'm singing about specs.
    Big, fat, boring ones.
    Hard to read, confusing ones.
    Oy! Are they complex!

    Three-part format,
    Fifty divisions,
    On them I rely.
    I don't know how I
    Could write specs
    Without CSI.

    All are welcome to repost this song, but please credit (c)
    Michael Chusid